Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
