I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
