My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
