My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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