just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
