I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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