I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
