A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
