Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
