everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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