she was so not down for the gang bang
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
