I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
