I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
