Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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