No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
