Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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