We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
