Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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