Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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