The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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