It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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