Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
