forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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