Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
