i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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