Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
