I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
