It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
