He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
