After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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