Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
