not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
