If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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