Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
