after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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