I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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