get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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