U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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