If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
