There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
