my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
