I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
