There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize