pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
