singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
