I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
