In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
