My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
