Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is wine microwaveable?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
