I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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