He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
