I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
