as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
