Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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