at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
