just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
