I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
