My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
