I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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