I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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