i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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