Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
