I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
