I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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