11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
